Mariano Investigations
by Lipton Lee
Summary: Angel Investigations...Gilmoreverse Style
1. Default Chapter

Summary: Angel: The Series…Gilmore Girls Style…

Timeline: This takes place in Gilmore Girls Season 5…except for the prologue, which takes place in Season 4…

Rating: PG-13

**Mariano Investigations: Prologue **

_February, 2004, Stars Hollow's Firelight Festival…_

He'd meant to tell her everything…really!

The vampires, the demons… all of it. Even the impending apocalypse that was sure to kill him in a matter of days.

However…

"I love you," he breathed.

Well… shit.

Rory Gilmore stared at him in shock.

Jess Mariano backed away and then turned. He got into his car and drove off.

He would never see her again… so he thought…

_May, 2004, Liz Danes' wedding…_

It was useful having mystical home security. He'd seen Luke coming a mile away, and was able to change the modest office into a squalid, small apartment in seconds.

He'd been planning to stay away from his mother's wedding, but Louise had envisioned another apocalypse in the next week, so, he figured what the hell?

Louise had called in the middle of the reception to tell him that this was no ordinary apocalypse, and that he'd have to come back ASAP.

He spit out the chunk of turkey leg he'd been eating.

"What!"

"They're gonna suck the entire world into a dimension of hell," Louise replied.

"And this was in your vision?"

"Nope," Louise replied. "Dave looked it up."

Jess groaned. "Jeez…"

"Come home soon, please, else we all get killed." With that, the blond hung up.

"Crap."

He gathered his things, had a nice, last conversation with Luke, and then headed out.

And stopped at Yale.

This time, he would tell her everything.

As he stopped the car in the parking lot, he took a moment to think.

By telling her, he'd be involving her. He'd be dragging her into his new, and very, very freakish world. She might even get killed.

Rory.

Dead.

"No," he muttered. He wouldn't let that happen. He would protect her…

But… what if he couldn't?

It was time to do what Dave had done for Lane.

Sever all ties. Make sure there was no way in hell that Rory could get involved.

And that was exactly what he did.

He knew damned well she was too logical to take him up on a plea to run away with him on a whim. He knew damned well she'd tell him no.

She didn't let him down.

With her last cry of "No!" he gave her a nod and a parting look, before leaving.

This time, he would never see her again.

_Present Time: November, 2004… _

"Jess! I'm leaving!"

He snapped out his memories at the sound of Louise's voice from the front of the office. He leaned back in his desk chair in his smaller room, propping his feet on the desk. "Okay!" he called.

"Don't forget to lock up!" Louise called back. "You know Madeline never does and Dave left before any of us!"

"Right!"

Silence.

"Hey, Jess!"

"What!" Jess snapped.

"VISION!"

His chair slid too far back and he went down with it, hitting the ground. He stumbled to his feet, and out to the main office, catching the blond just before she hit the ground.

Jess half-carried her to the small, blue couch that sat across from her desk, and set her down, waiting for the vision to subside. "What is it? What did you see?"

Louise put her hands over her eyes and leaned against him. "Rory."

Jess froze.

Shit.


	2. In Omnia Ferme Paratus

**Mariano Investigations 1:** _In Omnia Ferme Paratus_

Dave Rygalski sighed as he walked through the office door of Mariano Investigations. "Okay," he said, upon seeing Jess and Louise sitting on the small couch, looking pale and somber. "Who died?"

"Rory, tomorrow… big, orange demon," Louise replied in a small voice.

Dave blinked in surprise. "…Oh…"

Jess sighed heavily and got to his feet. "We should get researching on this."

"Aspirin first," Louise demanded.

Jess nodded. "Fine." He looked around anxiously. "Where in hell is Madeline? I called her hours ago!"

"You called her five minutes ago, boss," Louise pointed out, getting up slowly.

Dave sighed and helped Louise. "Maybe you should sit this one out, Jess."

He turned quickly. "What?"

"You've got too much emotional baggage in this one… maybe you should just let us-"

"No."

"Jess…" Louise said, before taking the Aspirin and washing it down with some coffee. "Maybe Dave is right."

"No," Jess snapped. "I'm the… warrior or whatever, and I've gotta help." He shook his head. "I'll meet you guys in my office to get started." With that, he stormed off, shutting the door behind him.

Dave shook his head. "Great…"

oooooooo

Madeline Lynn walked through the office door and found no one in the front. "Hello?" she called.

"In the back!" Jess called.

She walked back with a giant smile on her face. "Hi! I stopped off to get doughnuts and Coff…ee… why does everyone look so depressed…? Other than the fact that Bush got reelected…"

"Vision," Louise replied, picking up another book. "Rory's gonna get sacrificed."

"Oh," Madeline commented, taking a bite out of her doughnut. "That sucks."

"What was the club called again, Louise?" Dave asked, flipping through two books at once.

"The Life or Death Brigade," she replied, grabbing a couple of coffees from Madeline's Starbucks carrier, and handing one to Jess.

"Thanks," he muttered. His eyes never left his book as he took it and swigged some.

"He's really taking this to heart, huh?" Madeline asked.

Louise nodded. "He still loves Rory."

"I can hear you," Jess told them, still not looking up.

"Don't care," the girls replied in unison.

Dave sighed. "Keep looking, please…"

Madeline grabbed a book. "What are we looking for?"

"Big, slimy orange demon," Louise muttered. "Red teeth, orange eyes, and a history of human sacrifice."

"Sounds fun," Madeline muttered, cracking the book open.

ooooooo

Logan Huntzburger glanced into the tent and made sure Rory Gilmore was fast asleep before turning to his companions.

He grinned. "Everything is going according to plan."

Two of the other members of the Life or Death Brigade walked over and helped him into a long, brown robe. He joined everyone in a large circle, set around a pentagram, and began to chant.

ooooooooo

"Found something!"

Jess got to his feet and leaned over Dave. "What?"

"Periculu demon," Dave told him, pointing to the drawing in the book. "Comes from the Latin, Periculum… means danger."

"I know Latin," Jess replied. "What does it do?"

"Gives these kids everlasting courage… it's why they can do all the crazy stuff they do," Dave explained. "But they need a sacrifice every term to keep it up."

"Why Rory?" Madeline asked.

"Easy target," Louise interjected.

Madeline and the toy boys stared at her.

"What! You know it's true…"

"Where do they meet?" Jess asked, turning back to Dave.

"Wooded areas," Dave replied. "But that could be anywhere."

"Oh!" Madeline cried. "Locator spell!" She hopped up. "I'll go get my supplies."

"What do we do once we find them?" Louise asked.

"Get Rory the hell out of there, and kill that demon."

Louise smiled. "That's so cute."

He glared.

"You think you can just waltz into an ivy league secret society that's actually a cover-up for demon worship," Louise snickered. "You're adorable."

"In Louise-eese, that translates to: I have an idea!" Dave commented. "What is it?"

She grinned and leaned forward. "We find out where it's at, and go undercover… take them by surprise."

Jess stared. "I'm listening."

"I used to date a guy in the Life or Death Brigade back in senior year of high school," Louise told them. "I've been to one of their non-sacrificing meetings… they get pretty fancy… tuxes and ball gowns…"

"I'm not fighting in a tux," Jess told her.

Louise smiled sweetly. "Okay, Jess."

"Found her!" Madeline cried from the front office.

"Hey, Madeline!" Louise called. "Do you still have a taste for frivolous witchcraft?"

Jess glared.

_The Next Morning…_

Jess grumbled as he attached his broadsword sheath to his tuxedo pants. "You owe me, Louise."

The blond grinned as she did up her hair, careful not to mess up her pale pink gown. "Who gets your visions?"

Jess gave her a blank stare. "Let's just get this over with."

"Wait!" Madeline cried, rushing into the room. She was wearing a sparkly, bright orange dress. "I have to fancy up the car!"

"The car is fine," Jess snapped.

"The car is crap," Louise interjected. "Madeline, make-over, please?"

Madeline grinned and rushed out the door of the office to the parking garage.

Jess growled and followed, with Louise and Dave close behind.

"He really hates this, doesn't he?" Dave asked.

Louise grinned. "Our Jess pretty much hates everything."

"Good point," he replied. "So… this demon is pretty big."

"You're telling me," Louise muttered as they made their way to the car.

"What the hell, Madeline!" Jess cried, looking over his brand new, top of the line SUV.

"It's classy!"

"It's a piece of junk!" Jess argued.

Dave groaned, and shoved Jess over to the driver's side. "Get in. We have to go."

ooooooo

"What do you see?"

"A lot of people in fluffy dresses and tuxes," Dave replied, looking through his binoculars… and a giant… structure… red, gold and white… Wow… I feel like Harry Potter…"

"Something useful, please?" Louise chastised.

Dave looked around, and spotted a guy who looked almost like a guard admitting people past him. He squinted at them, and saw one of the girls say something. "In… In something."

"What?" Madeline asked, confused.

"Sssh," Dave snapped. "In… In Omnia… Paratis."

"Ready for anything," Jess translated. "What's the significance?"

"Probably a password of some type," Louise replied. "We say it, we get in."

Jess nodded and Madeline dusted off his tux, and straightened him out. "God, you're messy."

"Wait till we start fighting," Jess muttered.

Louise sighed and looked over her three companions. Dave and Jess looked slightly frumpy in their tuxedos, while Madeline was biting her nails. "This is going to be a disaster."

ooooooo

"Come on!" Logan yelled as he ran to the meeting point. "We'll be late!"

"For what?" Rory asked, chasing after him. "The ritual sacrifice?"

Logan grinned when they joined the half-circled group, and shoved Rory forward. "Exactly."

"Hey!" she cried, stumbling to the front.

Collin and Finn grabbed her by the arms.

"Let go!" Rory struggled. "Logan! What-" Her eyes widened when a giant demon stalked up. "Oh… Oh, no…"

Logan grinned. "Welcome to the Life or Death Brigade, Ace. Time to die."

ooooooo

Jess looked down on them from the structure. It had been a fairly easy climb. He watched the demon advance and jumped.

ooooooo

Dave looked up from his spot in the crowd of people. "NOW!"

Louise and Madeline rushed out from the crowd and began fighting Collin and Finn.

"Never underestimate the power of a stiletto heel!" Louise cried, digging her shoe into Collin's foot.

He howled in pain and let go of Rory, who kneed Finn, and rushed off.

She looked up, and saw someone falling from the structure high above. He landed right on the demon, and began fighting it.

She had no idea what was going on.

ooooooo

"COME ON!" Jess yelled, plunging his sword into the Periculu demon's back. "DIE ALREADY!"

"CUT OUT THE TONGUE!" Dave yelled, shoving a guy off of him.

"THE TONGUE!"

"THE TONGUE!" Dave yelled again.

"Jeez," Jess muttered. "I need a new day job." He swung around the demon's neck, and swiped the sword toward the mouth but missed. "HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO GET THE TONGUE!"

Logan, from the crowd, growled, and ran toward Jess and the demon, but the Periculu smacked the blond out of the way.

Jess growled, and swiped up with the sword again, this time cutting right through the massive demon's tongue. It howled in pain, and burst into flames.

"Oh shit," Jess muttered. He let go, falling to the ground, and ran. "DAVE!"

Dave turned from the guy he'd been fighting for the past few minutes. "HOLD ON! I ALMOST GOT THIS GUY!"

Madeline looked up at the flaming demon. "Uhmm… What happens when you cut its tongue out!"

"It lights on fire and then…" Dave looked up. "Explodes. CRAP!"

"RUN!" Louise yelled.

Jess sprinted over, and grabbed Rory's hand on the way, running faster.

"Jess!" she cried out, confused and scared.

"Stay close!" Jess cried.

Logan, Collin, Finn, and a few other remaining members of the Brigade ran as well.

They were almost out of harm's way when the Periculu exploded, knocking them all to the ground.

When the smoke cleared, the assembled group was covered in a sticky orange substance.

"Ugh," Madeline complained. "This will never come out of my hair."

"At least you're alive to bitch about it," Jess remarked, sitting up. He sighed as he watched Rory sit up as well. "You okay?"

"Depends on your definition of 'okay,'" she replied. She stared at him and then looked around at Dave, Madeline and Louise. "What… what are all of you doing here…? And… and what was that?"

"Oh!" Dave cried, getting to his feet. "Look at the time! We gotta go do that thing."

Louise slowly got to her feet, helping Madeline with her. "What about our fee?"

"It's on the house," Jess muttered, getting up.

Rory reached up and grabbed his hand. "Wait."

He looked down at her and squeezed her hand gently before letting go of it and walking after his group. He hopped into the driver's seat, started up the SUV, and sped off.

Rory got up and watched them go.

ooooooo

Logan glared as he watched the SUV speed away. "Finn!"

"What?" Finn whined, getting to his feet.

"I want you to find out about those guys. Pronto."

Finn sighed. "It doesn't matter. They basically did our job for us."

"They made a mess!"

"At least no one was killed," Finn muttered.

"Just get me the info!" Logan cried.

Finn sighed. "Fine."

_The Next Morning… _

Rory sighed as she sat at the counter at Luke's. "Hey."

Luke gave her a grin. "Hey. Home for the weekend?"

"Just today," she replied. "Can…Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

She sighed again and leaned forward. "Where is Jess these days?"

Luke looked a little surprised by the question. "Why?"

"Just curious," she shrugged.

"He's in New York, doing messenger work," Luke told her.

"Have you heard from him?"

"Not recently," Luke replied slowly. "What's this about?"

Rory shook her head. "Nothing… nothing, I'm just… wondering, is all."

Luke nodded.

"Can I get an address?"

From the corner of the diner, Dean Forester watched with wary eyes.

ooooooo

Louise sighed. "I still don't see why we didn't charge her," she muttered as she typed away on the computer at her desk.

"She didn't know she was being saved," Jess muttered as he cleaned off his sword with a rag.

"Most of our clients don't," Madeline pointed out. "That's why we're around, remember?"

"Cut the guy some slack," Dave told the girls as he flipped through a large volume. "It was Rory, remember?"

Louise sighed heavily. "Fine…"

At that moment, the door to the office swung open.

Jess looked up and raised his sword. "What the-"

"Relax," Logan snapped. "I'm not here to cause trouble."

Dave raised his book in defense. "Prove it."

"I'm a demon hunter, too!" Logan cried, putting his hands up.

"You sure as hell weren't acting like it yesterday," Louise snapped, pulling a wooden stake out of her desk.

"I was undercover," Logan explained. "Thank you, by the way, for ruining my entire plan."

"Which included sacrificing an innocent girl," Jess snapped. "My job was to save her."

"Oh, a hero," Logan smiled. "How quaint."

"Get out," Madeline told him.

"You're on my turf," Logan told them. "These are my hunting grounds, not yours. I'm the demon hunter, here."

"Your mother never taught you to share, did she?" Dave commented.

"Stay off my turf," Logan ordered.

"I don't go in for the whole West Side Story bit," Jess retorted. "Get out of my office."

Logan turned to leave. "Watch your back, Mariano."

"You first," Madeline growled, snagging the stake from Louise and throwing it at Logan's back.

He slid out of the way, and it hit the wall. He smirked, and left.

"Nice aim," Jess commended.

"What do we do about him?" Dave asked, still staring at the door.

"Wait till he actually starts looking like a threat," Jess replied.

"Uhm… Boss?" Madeline asked.

Jess turned to her.

She pointed to the small orb of energy that was slowly getting bigger in the corner of the room. "I think he's starting to look like a threat."

Jess let out a string of curses, before grabbing a bucket from the corner of the room, and putting it over the growing orb. "What the hell is this thing!" he growled.

Dave hurried flipped through a book. "Gimme a minute."

The orb began to grow too big for the bucket. "We don't have a minute!"

"Well, what are you-"

The three of them watched as Jess took a running start and crashed through the closed window of the office.

"Well, then," Dave commented.

When they heard a small explosion and a crash, they rushed to the broken window to see Jess lying on the pavement.

"OW!" he cried.


	3. Burninating the Countryside

Disclaimer: Trogdor belongs to the dudes who make strongbad emails. nods**  
**

**  
Mariano Investigations #2:** _Burnintating the Countryside…_

_Greenwood Cemetery, 1:25 AM _

"I hate graveyards."

Jess rolled his eyes. "How many more times are you gonna tell me that?"

"As many times as it takes for you to get so annoyed that you take me home," Dave hissed.

"Why do we have to do this?" Dave whined. "I'm… I'm not even a watcher! I failed my Watcher's Academy entrance exam! I'm not qualified to do this!"

Jess stopped and turned to Dave. "Stop."

Dave closed his mouth.

"You took this job," Jess told him. "You wanted to be part of this. If you don't want that anymore, I'll just fire you, and then I won't have to listen to you complain like a four-year-old anymore."

Dave stayed quiet.

Jess sighed and turned, starting to walk again. "Come on."

Dave nodded and followed. "I guess it doesn't really matter that I failed my watcher's exam since… there really isn't a watcher's council anymore."

Jess nodded. "That could dampen a career in the field."

"I really wanna be a musician," Dave informed him.

Jess gave another nod. "I remember."

"I'm really no good at this."

"Sssshhh!" Jess shoved him behind a mausoleum and glanced around the corner.

"Jeez!" Dave hissed. "I almost pissed myself! Give me some warning next time!"

"Why are you being such a baby?" Jess hissed back. "Last week you were fine with the big, giant orange demon that exploded."

"He didn't suck blood," Dave snapped in a whisper. "These guys suck blood! Why are we hiding back here?"

"Because there's a group of vampires around the corner," Jess hissed back. "Now shut up, so I can hear what they're up to."

"What?" Dave cried. "Why aren't we just killing them?"

"Because it looks like they have a hostage," Jess muttered.

"What!"

"Will you shut up?" Jess snapped, turning to him. "Jesus Christ, Dave! We're trying to surprise them!"

A growl sounded from behind Jess.

Dave's eyes widened. "I… I think I just urinated all over myself."

Jess clenched his jaw and whirled around. He was face-to-face with a very large, very ugly vampire. "Well, shit."

The vampire pounced on him, and Dave screamed.

Jess grumbled under his breath and shoved the vampire off, and got to his feet. He pulled out his stake and lunged for the undead creature's heart, but was shoved back against the mausoleum they'd been hiding behind.

"Dave!" Jess growled. "Fight!"

"I can't!" Dave cried. "It's gonna kill me!"

The vampire knocked Jess over.

"If you don't help me, I'm gonna kill you!" Jess yelled, as he wrestled with the vampire.

Dave shook as he held up his stake, and plunged it into the vampire's back. "Did I get him!"

Jess groaned as he continued to fight to get free. "What does it look like, Rygalski!"

A zap of energy shot from behind Dave and hit the vampire. It proceeded to turn into a small, white rabbit.

Madeline grinned and waved as it ran off. "Bye-bye, Bunnicula."

Jess sighed and got up. "What're you doing here?"

"'Thanks for saving my life, Madeline,'" the dark-haired girl chided. "I'm here to help."

Jess nodded, and turned around to find five more vampires behind them. "Well, it's a good thing."

Dave whimpered.

00000000000000000000

"Do you see any hostages?" Jess called, as he dusted the last vampire.

Madeline shook her head. "No one! Are you sure you saw someone?"

"Thought I did," Jess replied, walking over. "And Louise said she saw someone in her vision. They must've gotten away."

Madeline nodded, and glanced over at Dave's unconscious form. "We'd better go get him."

Jess nodded, and they lifted him up.

As they dragged Dave away from the graveyard, a small, scaly blue creature watched them. He blinked large, black eyes, and chased after making sure none of them saw him.

00000000000000000000

Louise looked up from her magazine as Jess and Madeline stumbled through the door of the office, dragging Dave with them.

"Oh, my god!" Louise cried, getting to her feet. "What happened?"

"I fought!" Dave cried his voice cracking. "I did it. And I got my ass kicked!"

"You shoulda seen him," Madeline chimed in. "He was like a…"

"An idiot with a stake who almost got his head taken off by a vampire?" Dave supplied.

Madeline smiled. "Yeah!"

Jess sighed and dumped Dave onto the couch. "I gotta teach you some better fighting skills."

"I can run, is that a fighting skill?" Dave asked innocently.

Jess shook his head.

"Hey!" Louise cried.

The three others turned to look at her.

She held up a decimated tube of lipstick. "Something ate my Mary Kay!"

"Probably bugs," Dave commented. "We should really think about getting an exterminator for this place."

"Bugs!" Madeline squeaked, looking around frantically.

Jess sighed. "Okay, it's late, and we could all use some rest, so…"

Louise got up and sighed, packing up her things. "I'm calling an exterminator in the morning."

Jess nodded. "You okay to get home?"

She sighed and nodded. "I feel better."

"I don't," Dave said. "I'm gonna crash here."

Jess nodded. "I've got room downstairs."

Madeline sighed. "I'll help Louise get home."

The two girls headed for the door, and Dave waved from the couch.

Jess glanced down at his friend. "Can you stand?"

"Oh, yeah," Dave replied, attempting to get to his feet. "No proble-AH!"

Jess caught him before he fell over. "Huh. Guess not."

"Rub it in," Dave muttered.

"I'm good at that," Jess quipped as he helped Dave into his office.

"That was dirty," Dave commented.

"Now you sound like a Gilmore," Jess said, as he opened the door in the corner of the office, and began to assist Dave in getting down the stairwell.

"Speaking of," Dave mentioned, as they entered the basement. "Have you called Rory?"

Jess shook his head, as he dropped Dave onto the small couch. "No, why would I?"

"Because she saw you kick the ass out of a demon a week ago."

"So?"

"So, she might wanna know what's up."

"So?"

"So, maybe you owe it to her, after leaving without explanation so many times-"

"Talked to Lane lately, Dave?" Jess asked, crossing his arms with a glare.

"Hey!" Dave snapped, sitting up a little. "At least with Lane and me, it was one leave, one explanation."

"You lied," Jess said. "Straight out."

"It's better than leaving her wondering for so long," Dave pointed out.

Jess's jaw clenched and he shook his head. "I'm gonna go get your some sheets."

"You can be as evasive as you like," Dave called after him. "It doesn't change the fact that sooner or later you're going to have to tell her something."

"You want one blanket or two?"

Dave sighed. "One's good."

Jess nodded, and brought the supplies over. "How do you feel?"

"Sore, but okay," Dave replied, watching as Jess set the sheets down on a chair and sat next to him.

"Do you ever regret it?" he asked.

"Regret what?"

Jess sighed. "Lying…losing Lane?"

Dave nodded slowly. "Every day."

Jess nodded as well. "Yeah." He glanced down at his watch and sighed. "It's late. We should both get some sleep."

Dave sighed and grabbed the sheets from the chair. "'Night, Jess."

Jess got up and walked to his bedroom. "'Night."

0000000000000000000

_The Next Morning…_

"Feeling better?" Jess asked, as they walked up the stairs.

Dave nodded, rubbing his knee a little. "Pretty much. Still a little sore."

Jess nodded, and opened up the door to his office, stopping short at the sight before him.

"Agh!" Dave cried as he bumped into him. "What's with the…" He looked over Jess's shoulder to see the office in shambles. Books were strewn all around, and the two chairs across from the desk had fallen over. Papers floated through the air, and it looked as if someone had relieved himself on the desk. "Wow."

Jess walked out of the doorway and looked around. "What the hell happened?" He glared. "And why do I smell demon?"

"Well…" Dave muttered. "I didn't shower last night…" He sniffed his arm and wrinkled his nose. "It might be me."

Jess picked up a thick knife from his desk and looked around. "Come on, beautiful…let's take a look at you…"

Dave slowly walked into the office, and automatically put a hand to his nose. "Oh, man! It shat on the desk!"

Jess shook his head and walked into the main office, just as Madeline walked.

"Morning, Boss! Guess who's…" She looked around at the mess around her. "Early…whoa...did you throw a party without me!"

Jess glared and looked around more. "Come on…where in hell is it…?"

"What is he looking for?" Madeline asked Dave as he walked into the main office.

"Whatever took a dump on his desk," Dave replied.

"Oh, ew!" Madeline cried. "Something pooped on your desk!"

"Who pooped on what?" Louise asked, as she walked into the office. She stopped as she looked around. "Wow…Did you guys throw a kegger last night after we left?"

"GOT IT!" Jess walked back over, struggling with a scaly, blue creature. It had a long snout and clawed hands.

"Aww…He's cute," Dave said.

Louise squinted. "That was the hostage from my vision!"

Jess squinted. "What?"

"That little…thing…he was the hostage in my vision!" Louise repeated.

"Well...it's a demon," Jess replied. "We kill demons."

"Don't hurt it!" Dave cried. "It's adorable!"

"It looks like that little blue dude from that Disney movie," Madeline said. She wrinkled her nose. "Except ugly."

Louise sighed. "That Disney thing was ugly, too."

"It was Lilo and Stitch," Dave told them. "And this guy isn't half as ugly as the cartoon."

"At least Stitch had fur," Madeline muttered.

Jess shook his head. "That's it. It dies."

"What!" Dave cried. "No!"

"It's a demon," Jess snapped. "Demons are evil."

"Not all demons," Dave argued. "Come on man, he's cute as hell. He's cuteness on a stick."

Jess stared blankly.

The demon reached into its own skin and pulled out a tube of mascara.

"Hey!" Louise cried. "That's mine!"

The demon grinned and shoved the entire thing into his mouth, swallowing it all a once.

"Okay," Louise growled. "Kill it."

"Hey!" Dave cried.

The demon then let out an incredible burp, along with a blaze of fire from its mouth. When it was through, it yawned, and smiled.

Dave stared in shock. "Holy Shit. It's Trogdor the Burninator."

Jess wrinkled his brow. "What?"

"Trogdor!" Dave cried. He began to sing. "Burninating the countryside. Burninating the peasants!"

"Dave!" Jess barked.

He stopped singing. "Sorry." He gave Jess a pleading look. "Please? Please don't kill him?"

"How do we know it's a he?" Madeline asked. "It could be a girl."

Louise cringed. "I am not looking down there."

Jess sighed and shook his head. "Do we have a cage?"

Madeline raised her hand. "I can get one."

Jess nodded. "Good. Do that, and then we'll clean this place up."

"I am not touching poo," Louise snapped.

Dave smile. "Don't worry Trogdor." He lifted the small demon from the edge of Jess's sword and held him in his arms. "We're gonna take good care of you."

Trogdor proceeded to slurp on Dave's shirt.

_A Half hour later…_

Trogdor was pulling on the bars of the dog crate Madeline had conjured and enchanted. She was now twirling the key to its lock as she flipped through a reference book.

"This should not be this hard," Dave muttered as he poured over book after book. "Why can't I find what in hell this thing is?"

Jess shook his head as he flipped through another text. "I'm not finding anything either."

"Maybe we really are meant to protect him," Louise suggested with distaste. "If we can't figure out what he is…maybe he's the last of his kind."

Jess sighed. "I don't want it here," he said. "I'm not cleaning up after a demon."

Trogdor proceeded to gnaw on the crate's bars.

"I can take care of him," Dave said. "He won't be any trouble at all…although I don't think I'll be able to leave him home alone…I'd have to bring him here."

"Fine," Jess snapped. "But I'm not cleaning up any more demon crap."

"And he better stay out of my make-up," Louise added quickly.

"And my magic supplies," Madeline added as well.

Dave smiled. "No problem. Just don't get rid of that cage."

Trogdor meowed.

_That Night…_

Jess sighed as he lay in bed. Getting Dave and Trogdor out of the office had been trying at best and Louise and Madeline had tried to get him to come clubbing with them, but it wasn't something he enjoyed for the most part. He preferred to just sleep.

He sat up when he heard the door to his bedroom open.

There stood a small, blonde woman with a wide smile on her face. "Hello, Darling Boy."

He glared and reached for a stake. "Who the hell are you?" He didn't know why he wasn't getting out of bed.

She pouted and walked lazily toward the bed. "You remember."

He shook his head and moved to get up, but she sat herself in his lap to stop him. He stared at her in utter confusion.

She kissed him passionately, and his eyes widened.

"My boy," she muttered against his lips. "My Angelus."

His eyes snapped open, and he was alone in his dark bedroom. He ran shaky hands through his hair and looked at the clock, which read three in the morning.

He groaned and covered his face with his pillow.


	4. Oy With the Demons

For Ali and Fizzy

Mariano Investigations Part 3: _Oy, With the Demons…_

Rory Gilmore sighed as she hopped into her car. Friday night dinner had been fairly normal. Nothing new had been brought up…no one tried to kill anyone. In her book it had been fairly successful.

She set her thoughts on going back to school, as she pulled out of the driveway.

And then she set her thoughts on not going back to school.

New Haven or New York.

She took the New York exit.

She didn't notice the blue truck that had been following her the whole way.

Dean Forrester grimaced as he followed his girlfriend down the highway.

-----

Jess entered the dark, Sixth Street alley just in time to see Logan finish off the demon. "Huh."

Logan looked up and smirked proudly. "This one is mine."

Jess nodded. "Okay. Thanks." He turned to leave.

"Hey!" Logan called.

Jess stopped walking and turned around. "Yeah?"

"Aren't you pissed off?"

Jess gave him a confused look. "You just killed a demon. I don't have to risk my life. Why would I be mad?"

"Because you were coming to kill it!" Logan pointed out. "And I killed it before you did!"

Jess rolled his eyes. "Jeez, get over it. We're on..." He looked up blankly. "The same side... hey, Huntzburger?"

"What?"

"You really suck at killing demons."

The regenerated demon swooped down and gave Logan a rough shove out of the way before going after Jess.

"Hey there, Baby," Jess muttered, readying his sword. "Let's play."

He stalked after Jess, who was just about to slice its head off, when Logan jumped up onto the demon.

"What the hell, Huntzburger!" Jess cried.

"Kill it!" Logan yelled.

"You're in the way, you freak!"

"JESS!"

"Listen, I don't do well working with people I don't like," Jess told him. "If you were Dave, or Louise, it'd be a different story, but I just can't work like this. Either get the hell off of it or kill it yourself."

Logan snarled and hopped off the demon, rolling out of the way, just in time for Jess to slice its head off, and then slice the head in half. The body and the head burst into dust.

Jess turned a harsh glare onto the blond. "You suck."

"I woulda had it," Logan said dangerously.

"You really suck," Jess repeated. "Go home."

"Jess!"

He turned and sighed. "Hey, Dave."

"You killed it?"

Jess nodded. "No thanks to burger boy here," he snarled, pointing at Logan with his sword.

"Hi, Logan," Dave smirked. "Nice hair."

Logan glared and smoothed his short locks out. "I'm outta here."

"Good," Jess snapped. "Go cry to mommy about your ruined Armani sweater."

Logan flipped him off and then stalked out of the alley.

"That was mean," Dave commented.

"True or false?" Jess asked. "You don't go after a demon without knowing how to kill it first."

"True."

"He's such an amateur."

Dave sighed and looked around the alley. He watched as a man in black with a television camera slowly walked after Logan.

"Dude, Jess…"

Jess blinked and looked at Dave. "What?"

Dave pointed to the cameraman.

Jess squinted. "Huh."

"What do you think, man?"

"I think someone has too much time on their hands," Jess replied. "Come on. We've gotta check things out elsewhere."

Dave nodded and followed Jess, glancing back to look at the cameraman once more.

-----

"Did you see this spring's lipstick shades?" Louise asked in disgust. "They're awful."

"Well," Madeline replied, spreading red nail polish over her pinky. "That's why they release them in November. So they grow on you by like…April."

Louise sighed and sat back at her desk. The office had been quiet ever since the boys had left.

And then the door swung up with a fury only a woman scorned could possess.

Both Louise and Madeline got up as Rory Gilmore entered the office.

"Where is he?" Rory asked.

"Rory?" Madeline asked.

"Where's Jess?" Rory repeated.

"Jess, who?" Louise asked. "Jess the janitor? This is our-"

"Demon fighting office," Rory finished for her. "You fight demons, and he saved my life, and then he ran away. Again!"

The other two girls stayed silent.

"Well!"

Madeline sighed and gestured to the blue couch. "Have a seat."

Louise blinked. "What are you doing?"

"She deserves to know, doesn't she?" Madeline asked. "I mean…everything she saw…And…You know…"

Louise groaned. "Fine."

Rory began to sit on the couch.

"Don't sit there," Louise advised. "Jess bled there yesterday."

Rory's eyes popped open in horror, and she moved to sit elsewhere on the couch.

Louise sighed and sat down in her chair. "The stories told here tonight may or may not be embellished. These are the facts as told to me by a very delirious Jess Mariano."

Rory nodded.

Louise gave the tiniest hint of a grin. "It all started on a dark and stormy night…"

_2 Years Prior… _

Venice Beach had gotten stale quickly, but in a different way than Stars Hollow had.

But, as typical Jess Mariano luck had dictated, the moment he arrived in Los Angeles for a breather from the skaters, and his newly acquired family, it had started pouring rain. As such, his pre-planned pleasant walk had been anything but.

Also? He was lost.

Even so, he kept walking down the dim streets, until a bolt of lightening struck in a nearby alley. He jumped back, and blinked, worriedly. "What the hell was that?" he muttered.

Slowly, he walked into the alley, and couldn't believe his eyes.

Lying on the soaked, grimy pavement, were…creatures. Dead creatures…well…dead or dying. Alongside them were equally dead and dying humans.

One moved, and Jess jumped. He inched closer. "Hey…uh…this may or may not be a stupid question, but…are you…alive?"

The man was bleeding profusely, a sword was sticking out of his stomach, and some sort of multi-colored slime coated his face and spiky, brown hair. Even so, he stared up at Jess.

Jess scrambled to kneel next to the stranger. "Hey! Whoa! Hold on, I'm gonna go find a payphone and call an ambulance. Just hang in there. I'll be-"

The stranger snagged Jess's wrist to stop him. "No!"

All at once a flash of blinding light filled the alley, and Jess flew back against a wall by an unseen force. He watched for a moment as the light covered the dying stranger, along with every other body in the alley, and they disappeared.

Jess passed out a moment later.

_Present Day…_

Rory stared in disbelief.

Louise and Madeline both nodded.

"This is ridiculous!" Rory cried. "Where is Jess!"

"He's not here," Madeline said. "And everything Louise just said was true."

"Story's not done," Louise commented, obviously annoyed.

Rory sighed. "You mean you have more crazy lies?"

"Just sit and listen," Louise ordered. "Believe me, I know it sounds crazy, but it'll all make sense once Jess gets home."

Rory sighed and sat back against the couch.

_Yet again, 2 years prior…_

He had no idea what to do with himself.

Not a god-damned clue.

Jess wandered through the rainy streets, wondering where he was, what the hell had just happened, and why he felt more weight than usual load up onto his shoulders.

A memory flashed unexpectedly through his mind and he stopped walking.

Another.

And then another.

He slowly realized that these were not his memories.

There was no Luke or Liz or Rory…No Jimmy…no stupid kid who tried to steal his bike in the third grade and got a fat lip instead. No meaningless, hot New York nights. No cigarettes or alcohol, or books. Where were his books?

He saw blood. He heard screams; felt teeth and swords. People beg him for their lives, and blonde girls proclaim their undying love for him.

He became dizzy and stumbled about, until he knocked right into someone.

"Whoa, there, Cutie. Take is easy."

He looked up and blinked, as a face came into view.

A green face.

With red eyes and red horns.

"AH!" Jess cried, stumbling back again. "Who…what…are you?"

"Questions later," the…whatever-he-was said. "You're obviously in need of a dry place to cool off and a cup of coffee."

_Present Day…_

Rory screamed loudly, which caused Madeline to scream.

"What!" Madeline cried, as Rory got to her feet.

Rory pointed to the blue creature in the corner.

Louise got up and looked at the direction she was pointing in. "Oh. Trogdor."

"What?" Rory asked.

Louise sighed and whistled. "Trogdor!"

The blue demon hopped up onto Rory's lap and then jumped to Louise, who caught him. He started purring.

"This is Trogdor," Louise said. "Dave's pet demon."

Rory blinked.

Trogdor flew from Louise's arms to Rory's lap again and began sniffing her.

"What…is it?" Rory asked, obviously scared.

"We're not sure," Madeline shrugged. "But he's cute."

"He eats make-up," Louise pointed out.

"Not since we've gotten him eating Go-Gurt."

"He eats Go-Gurt?" Rory asked.

Louise nodded. "Package and all."

Rory blinked at Trogdor, who licked her face.

"Can we get back to the story now?" Louise asked.

"Can you get him off me?" Rory countered.

Madeline sighed and took a Go-Gurt out of the mini-Fridge. She waved it in Trogdor's line of site, and he flew from Rory to Madeline.

_Back to the Past…_

Jess sighed and looked around blearily. Everything was hazy, and the bright colors in the empty nightclub weren't helping the throbbing headache he'd developed.

The green man…well, whatever he was, walked out from behind the bar, a couple of mugs in his hands. "Welcome to Caritas."

Jess blinked and accepted the mug of coffee. "Caritas…Latin for Mercy."

The whatever-he was grinned. "Gold star."

Jess started at him. "Who…what are you?"

"The name's Lorne," he grinned. "And I'm a demon."

"A demon."

"Yep."

"Huh."

"This is my club," Lorne replied, waving an arm to indicate their surroundings. "It burned down a few years ago, but I had a couple of guys I worked with over the past year put it back together. I just love this place."

Jess nodded slowly. "You're a demon."

"We covered that already, Angel-cakes."

"Don't call me that," Jess deadpanned.

"Well, that's what you are," Lorne replied grimly. "You're Angel."

Jess stared. "You lost me. I think I should go home."

Lorne held up a finger. "Not until you sing me a few bars."

"What?"

"Sing."

"No."

"Go on."

"Go to hell."

"Oh, now that's not very nice," Lorne pouted. "Just a couple of lines. That's all it'll take."

"This is gonna steal my soul, isn't it?" Jess asked, obviously paranoid.

"Oh, for Pete's sake, just sing!"

Jess stared for a moment, before letting out a wobbly verse. "When they kick at your front door, how you gonna come, with your hands on your head, or on the trigger of your gun…They can crush us, they can bruise us but they'll have to answer to Ooooh, the guns of Brixton."

"Well, at least you can carry a tune a little better than he could," Lorne muttered.

"I'm leaving," Jess snapped, getting to his feet.

Lorne leaned back and grinned. "Her name was Rory Gilmore. Lorelai Leigh Gilmore, to be exact."

Jess stopped.

"Kinda tall," Lorne went on. "Long brown hair, big blue eyes. Smart, and witty. Gone to Europe for the summer, but headed to Yale in the fall."

Jess turned with a glare. "You leave her alone."

"I'm not after her, Jessie," Lorne replied.

"Then how do you know all that!"

"You sang."

"So!"

"I read you," Lorne replied. "I know where you've been; I know where you need to be."

Jess slowly sat back down. "Keep talking."

_The Present…_

Rory blinked. "So he talked to the demon guy, and then what?"

"He headed on a plane back to New York," Madeline shrugged.

"He met Dave first," Louise corrected. "At LAX."

"At the airport?" Rory asked, obviously confused.

Madeline giggled. "This is the funny part."

_The Past…_

Jess sighed and sat down at the airport bar. He'd given his father the best explanation for leaving that he could muster up. He promised to write, and call, which he did intend to do. He actually didn't mind living with Jimmy and Sasha and Lily. It was awkward, but it wasn't as hectic as living with Luke could be, which was nice.

And he was leaving again. Always on the go.

"Can I help you?" the bartender asked.

Jess sighed, wishing he were actually old enough to drink, and hoped they didn't card. "Can I just get a Killian's, please?" he asked.

The tender nodded, and walked off.

Jess closed his eyes and waited.

"Jess?"

His eyes opened again, and glanced next to him, to find himself face to face with one David Rygalski.

"Dave."

"Jess!" Dave cried. "Oh, man, Jess! What are you doing here? What's up? How are you? You're not back east?"

Jess stared at his old acquaintance. "You're so drunk."

Dave giggled. "Nooo. No! I'm not drunk! I am so not drunk. You wouldn't believe how drunk I'm not."

Jess caught him as he almost fell off his stool. "How much have you had?"

"Milk, but it worked?" Dave tried.

The bartender returned with the beer and Jess nodded. "Thanks. How much did this one have?"

"Couple of shots of vodka, and a dry martini."

Jess blinked and turned back to day. "That's all?"

Dave shrugged and smiled. "Lightweight."

Jess sighed and took a long sip of his beer. "So…what are you doing here, and why are you so drunk?"

Dave frowned. "I'm on my way back to Stars Hollow. I was here…I was here…because…for a slayer."

Jess narrowed his eyes. "A what?"

A vampire slayer."

Jess stared for a long moment before slamming his beer down on the bar. "Not you, too."

"What?"

"Vampires…green demons with weird horns and karaoke bars…what's next? Ktulu in a tutu?"

Dave giggled. "That would RULE!"

Jess sighed. "So…a vampire slayer."

"I was supposed to get her and bring her to England," Dave said. "But…But when I got here…and I found her she was dead. And THEN! And THEN! I found out that the Watcher's Council had been…Exploded! Months ago, apparently, but did anyone ever tell me! Nooooo."

"You lost me."

"The Watcher's Council is…was…" Dave sighed. "They look after Vampire Slayers."

"Explain."

Dave rolled his eyes. "In every generation there is a chosen one. She alone will stand against the forces of darkness. The Vampire Slayer. Young girls, usually. Don't normally live past twenty, cause they get taken down by some big…demon of vampire…or…yeah." Dave nodded. "Every slayer has a Watcher appointed to her. I was…supposed to…you know I was supposed to take her with me to England…but…but when I got here she was dead and I tried are so drunk," Jess said.

"Boom!" Dave cried. "Big boom!"

Jess sighed and took a long sip of his beer.

_Present: _

"So," Louise went on, filing her nails. "Jess took pity on Dave, and got his plane ticket changed to go to New York with him. That's where the four of us met up."

Madeline nodded as she studied a paperweight interestedly. "Louise got a vision, and that's how we found them."

Rory blinked. "Vision?"

Louise looked up. "I get visions of people who need our help. That's how we were able to save you. I got a vision of you being sacrificed to that…ick-demon and we suited up and moved out."

"That's kind of creepy," Rory said.

"And it hurts like a bitch," Louise nodded. "But that's the company history."

Madeline looked up and smiled, getting to her feet. "Okay. I think I've got this."

"Got what?" Rory asked.

"I…am going to make this paperweight come alive."

Louise sighed. "If that paperweight starts vomiting again-"

Madeline stuck her tongue out at the blonde and raised a hand. "tghiewrepap-"

At that moment, the door burst open, and Dean stormed in. "Rory!"

"Dean!"

Madeline world around in surprise and a pink burst of energy shot from her fingers right at Dean.

Seconds later, Dean was no longer standing by the door. All that remained was a miniature, fluffy white poodle.

Rory stared in shock, and Louise got to her feet, just as astonished.

Madeline smiled nervously and giggled. "Uh…ahehe…Whoops?"


	5. Oy With the Poodles

Mariano Investigations Pt. 4 _Oy with the Poodles _

"He's…That's…"

"A poodle," Louise said, finishing Rory's sentence. "A fluffy, white poodle."

Madeline blushed furiously. "He's…he's really cute."

"A poodle!" Rory yelled. "You turned my human boyfriend into a poodle!"

Louise rolled her eyes. "Madeline, turn him back."

Madeline opened her mouth and sighed. "Uh…"

"Well!" Rory cried. "Turn him back!"

"Easier said than done."

Louise sighed. "You don't know the counter-spell?"

"It was meant for the paperweight!" Madeline cried.

"Where did you get the spell?" Louise asked.

Madeline frowned and walked into Jess's office, coming back in with a large, dusty book. "I didn't see a counter-curse."

"Does it just wear off?" Louise asked, taking the book.

"I don't know."

"You don't know?" Rory cried.

"It's a new spell for me!" Madeline defended.

"You don't point your witchy fingers at people!" Rory yelled.

"Hey!" Louise yelled back. "She was surprised. It's not like she meant to do it."

"But she did!"

"Hey!" Jess barked as he stormed in. "What the hell is going on in here!"

"And why is there an ugly poodle by the door?" Dave asked as he followed Jess in.

"He's cute!" Madeline replied.

"He's Dean," Louise said.

Jess blinked and looked down at the poodle, and then back up.

"He burst in the door and Madeline got surprised," Louise explained.

Jess groaned. "Dammit, Willow!"

Everyone stopped.

Jess blinked again. "I…I mean…Madeline. Dammit Madeline!"

"Who's Willow?" Dave asked curiously.

Jess didn't answer. "What is Dean doing here in the first place?"

Rory bit her lip. "I think he followed me."

"What are you doing here?" he asked her quietly.

"I came looking for you," she told him.

Trogdor snuck around the office, eyeing the little poodle hungrily. He patted Dean on the head and licked his lips.

"Hey!" Louise cried. "Bad Trogdor!"

Dean packed away from Trogdor, whimpering.

Jess held back a snicker.

"It's not funny!" Rory cried. "He was human a minute ago!"

"Barely," Jess quipped. He turned to Madeline and Louise. "So why wasn't the defense system up when Rory walked in?"

"We didn't see her coming," Madeline replied.

"They weren't looking for her," Dave nodded. "Great."

"Hello!" Rory snapped. "My boyfriend's a poodle!"

Dave smirked. "Honestly, it's kind of an improvement."

Jess grinned.

Louise rolled her eyes and shoved the book Madeline had dug up into Jess's arms. "Here. Start looking for a counter spell."

"But he's so cute," Jess replied sarcastically.

Louise rolled her eyes and shoved him into the office. "Dave, you, too. Go. Madeline, come on. Let's get to work. Rory, he's your boyfriend, get in here." Before walking in behind them she glared at Trogdor. "Behave."

Trogdor smiled.

-------

"I got nothing," Dave frowned. "Are you sure it doesn't just wear off?"

Madeline pouted. "I don't know. I didn't learn it to use on a human…it was supposed to make my paperweight do a little dance."

Jess glanced up from his book at Rory. "So…why did you wanna find me?"

She frowned without looking back at him. "You did save my life…I figured I at least owed you a thank you…but you weren't here…so I got caught up in talking to Louise and Madeline."

Jess glanced warily at his two female partners. "What did they say?"

"That you were possessed by something in California, and are now some kind of…demon fighter guy, and that Dave was a Vampire watcher."

"It's just a Watcher."

"Whatever."

"I'm sorry you got caught up in this," he muttered. "We'll turn Dean back and then you can be on your way…"

"Jess?"

He looked up at her.

Rory frowned. "You were already doing this when you came to see me last summer, weren't you?"

Jess didn't reply.

"Why would you want me to run away with you if you already had a life here?"

He looked back down at his book.

Rory stared at him. "You said those things because you knew I'd say no. You said those things to make sure I would never want to see you again."

"Was for the best," he muttered. "I didn't want you to get hurt."

"I almost did anyways," she pointed out.

"But you weren't and as soon as we turn Bagboy back into…well…Bagboy, you can forget all of this ever happened."

She reached a hand out to his. "What if I don't-"

He jerked away. "We gotta find that counter-curse."

She frowned at him. "Jess-"

"I need air."

Louise looked up and frowned as Jess left the room. She got up and followed him.

Rory looked back down at the book in front of her.

-----

"What the hell was that?"

"That was me, removing myself from a bad situation."

"Jess…"

"I can't do it," Jess muttered. "I can't get her killed."

"But you're willing to get us killed?" Louise asked. "Madeline and Dave and I?"

"You supposed to be here!" he cried. "You got those visions; you're exactly where you're supposed to be! And Dave…it was his choice! He chose to be here! Madeline, too!"

"And what if Rory chose to be here?" Louise asked.

"She wouldn't know what she was doing," Jess snapped. "She's not a seer, or a witch, or a watcher. She's nobody in this world! She's some monster's breakfast! Some demon's motel!"

"It doesn't have to be like that."

"I can't do it," he said quietly. "And it's not what she wants. She wants Yale, and journalism. She want normal."

"And you don't?"

"I can't have it."

Louise looked down.

"Besides, she's got Dean."

"Oh, please!" Louise cried. "Like they ever worked! Even when we were kids, it was so obvious how wrong they were for each other! He's such a moron. I mean he's really hot…but a moron."

Jess smirked at her.

"Come on, Boss. Let's go find that counter spell."

-----

Dave smiled. "Aw…Trogdor is playing with Poodle Dean…isn't that cute?"

"They're not playing," Madeline pointed out. "I think Trogdor is gnawing on his head."

"Bad Trogdor!" Louise cried as she rushed back in. "I told you to behave!"

Trogdor pouted and put Dean down.

Dean growled at Trogdor, but Trogdor smacked him on the head, and he ran away.

Jess tried not to laugh.

"It's not funny!" Rory called.

"Oh, come on, it's a little funny!"

Rory paused. "No…"

Jess shook his head and picked up Dean. "I could drop-kick you right now, and there's nothing you could do about it…but you know what would be even more humiliating for you?" He hugged the dog. "If I cuddled you."

Dean growled.

Jess patted his head. "Such a good dog…"

"You're officially creeping me out," Madeline said. "Here give him to me."

"Just don't give him to Louise, she might molest him," Dave said.

"Ew! I don't do canines."

"Only felines," Jess grinned as he passed Dean to Madeline.

At that moment there was a loud bang and a burst of smoke. When it cleared, there was no longer a poodle sitting on Madeline's lap, but a full-grown, very naked Dean.

Rory sighed in relief.

"EW!" Dave cried, jumping back. "Someone else's penis!"

Louise frowned. "It's very tiny…I'm disappointed."

Jess gave Rory a teasing grin. "You actually sleep with that guy?"

Rory rolled her eyes. "Very funny."

Dave stared at Dean thoughtfully. "You know…if my equipment were that small, I'm not sure what I'd do."

"You wouldn't be staring at Dean's," Louise said.

"What! I'm not staring. Who's staring!"

"Jess, go get Dean a blanket," Madeline said calmly.

"Nope," Jess shook his head. "Naked Dean isn't touching any of my blankets with his naked self."

"Way to be mature, Jess," Dean said snidely.

Jess squinted at him. "Hey, aren't you married? Oh! Oh, that's right. You were too mature to make it work, I forgot!"

"Jess, stop," Rory said.

"How do you even know about that?" Dean asked.

"Hey, guys, I-" The blonde stopped as she took a look around. "Dean…Rory…"

"Hey, Lindsay," Louise smiled. "Welcome to the soap opera."

Lindsay blinked. "What are they doing here, and…and Dean, why are you naked?"

"What is she doing here?" Rory asked Louise testily.

Louise sighed. "Rory, meet Lindsay Lister…Stars Hollow's vampire slayer, and an ally and friend of ours."

Lindsay nodded.

"A what!" Dean cried.

"Dean's naked because Madeline accidentally turned him into a poodle, and the spell just wore off," Dave said.

"You're a…a vampire slayer!" Dean cried. "How come you never told me!"

Lindsay cocked her head to the side. "Gee, I wonder…"

Madeline muttered something under her breath and pointed a finger at Dean. A moment later, he was clad in jeans and a t-shirt.

"Thank you," Jess sighed in relief.

"So…" Lindsay crossed her arms. "Madeline went to Stars Hollow and turned Dean into a poodle."

"No," Dave replied. "Dean came here."

"Why?"

"He was following Rory."

"Why is she here?" Lindsay asked, giving a glare to the thin brunette.

Dave sighed. "She wanted to find Jess."

Lindsay raised an eyebrow at the warrior. "You've still got a thing for her, too, huh?"

"We're not having this discussion," Jess said, walking back into his office.

"Yes we are!" Lindsay cried.

"No! We're not!"

"You said that if I got over Dean, you'd get over Rory!"

Jess slammed the door.

Lindsay rolled her eyes and turned back to Rory and Dean. "Out."

"You can't kick us out," Dean said. "And we need to talk!"

"Like I have anything to say to you!" Lindsay cried.

""I just got turned into a poodle!"

"Sorry," Madeline said guiltily.

"You also have very tiny genitalia," Dave pointed out.

"Doesn't he?" Lindsay said with a giggle. "I mean…it's so small, isn't it?"

"Cut it out," Rory sighed.

"And the brain is just as small!" Jess yelled from his office.

Rory tried not to laugh. "Jess!"

Dean glared at Rory. "You think this is funny!"

"No," she blurted out. "Well…a little. I mean…Jess is a…warrior, and Louise gets visions and Madeline is a witch! You got turned into a poodle! And Lindsay is a vampire slayer!"

Dean growled and stormed out of the office.

Rory tried not to laugh.

Lindsay shook her head and then turned to Rory. "So…seriously, why are you with Dean, still? I mean…I know he took your virginity and everything but…he's a jerk."

Rory looked down. "I…He's…safe…"

Lindsay rolled her eyes. "I can't wait until you get a clue."

Jess poked his head out of his office. "He gone?"

Madeline nodded. "Yup."

He came out into the main office.

Dave glanced at Rory. "So…you're not going to tell Lane about all of this, are you?"

Rory gave him a confused look.

"She doesn't know I'm here."

Jess looked down. "Luke doesn't know, either."

"Neither does Paris," Louise jumped in.

Rory blinked at them. "So…I have to keep secrets from two of my best friends, and my mother's boyfriend."

"Don't tell Lorelai, either," Jess said.

Rory stared at them in shock. "I…I can't not tell my three best friends about this! It's crazy! You're all…This! Is crazy!"

"Either keep your mouth shut or I'm casting a memory spell on you," Jess said.

She glared.

Jess gave her a helpless look. "This has to stay quiet. The last thing we need is for all of Stars Hollow to be gossiping about vampires and demons. They're notorious for using loved ones against their enemies."

"Which is why you didn't tell me," Rory said quietly.

They stared at each other.

"O-kay!" Louise said, cutting loudly into the silence. "Dave, Madeline, Lindsay, let's go get some coffee!"

"But…the drama!" Madeline whined, pointing at Jess and Rory.

Louise pulled at her as she pushed Dave out the door.

Lindsay shrugged and followed.

When the door closed, Jess averted his eyes. "I love you, you know. I think I always. I never wanted you to be apart of this."

Rory closed her eyes. "It's a little late for that." She stepped closer to him, and he stepped back. "Jess…"

"I get attached and then you get hurt…"

"You're already attached," Rory said. "So am I."

"And Dean?"

"Means nothing," she said quietly. "He never compared…"

"Then why?"

"Because I'm an idiot. I was…lonely, and stupid, and I wanted someone to hold onto." Rory said. "And I should have seen what you were doing when you showed up at Yale."

Jess laughed a little. "How could you? How could you guess any of this?"

Rory said nothing, and tries to move closer to him again. When he didn't back away, she placed a gentle hand in his hair. "Jess…"

He didn't let her say anything else. He pulled her in and kissed her passionately. His brain was reeling. She was still with Dean. He was still in a life threatening line of work. She was going to Yale. He would ruin her life. She would break him. He would break her. He would get her killed.

Jess's timing had always been lousy; kissing him felt like coming home. Rory closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around him, kissing him back.

Moments passed, and she pulled away from him. "I should go."

He let go of her and nodded. "Yeah. Your mom is probably worried."

"She doesn't know I'm not at school," Rory told him.

Jess gave another nod and shoved his hands into his pockets.

"I won't tell anybody about all of this," she promised him. "But you owe me."

"Name it."

"Call."

He looked her in the eyes. "I'll call."

Rory smiled sadly and kissed his cheek before walking out of the office.

-----

"What do you mean you didn't kill the demon?"

Logan sighed. "Mariano showed up again, Dad."

Mitchum Huntzberger sat back in desk chair. "And you just sat back and let him take all the glory?"

"It wasn't like that!" Logan slumped down into a chair across from his father. "He got the better of me! I had it!"

Mitchum shook his head. "We'll have to find away to rid ourselves of that boy, won't we?"


End file.
